72 Hours And One More Day To Go...

It has been a very exhausting 72 hours for me... I have been on a series of job interviews for this company for a high level, highly visible position. It seemed like I answered questions from everyone and their mother, including the landscaper! Well, that's what it felt like...

The position is for a patient care services director. Something similar to the Director of Nursing in a hospital. It is for a 70-apartment assisted living facility that is run by one of the biggest corporations in the U.S. They have facilities in California and Nevada (including Beverly Hills) and about four in the East Coast, although that east coast number will go higher in the next few months. Residents' age range in this specific facility ran from 66 to 99 years old.

FIRST DAY

The appointment was set with the Executive Director of the facility. I was ushered into the office reception area and from there I could see the residents' reception area. It is fairly big and the seating was nicely arranged. It looked like the lobby of a boutique hotel. The residents looked happy and were waiting for their next activity of the day.

Mr JS, the exec director came out to meet me then talked to me a little bit about the place and introduced me to some people at the office area. We then proceeded to his office and started the drill...He said, "I am going to ask you twelve questions and just answer them without so much putting any thoughts or rationale to your answer." Huh? What? Here we go...

1. What is "quality" to you?

2. Define "compassion".

3. What is more important to you? A: trust, B: loyalty, C: honesty. Why?

4. In this job, you will be required to do staffing, budgeting, department policy making, continuing education training, and clinical assessments. Which one would be your least favorite to do and why?

5. What does "doing the right thing all the time everytime" mean to you?

6. You have spent an amount of time in the armed forces. Do you like structure and order? Or do you thrive better in chaos?

7. A medication error has occurred. During your investigation, you found out that the medicine technician switched the medications meant for two different residents. How would you handle this situation?

8. You have a resident who has been diagnosed with beginning dementia due to Alzheimer's Disease. She also has schizophrenia and is prone to anxiety attacks. She was found by the police wandering around the BART station at 11 pm and has been yelling and harassing people. This is the fifth time in two weeks that this resident was able to get out of the facility unnoticed and unsupervised. Now, what is your plan of action?

9. A family member wanted to see you regarding his issues with his mother. This family member is well-known to other staff members as a "chronic complainer". Now, he is unhappy with the fact that his mother does not want to get out of her apartment and participate in group activities. What do you do?

10. How do you deal with anger?

11. How do you deal with your own stress?

12. If colors were something that you can eat, what color would you be eating more often? Why? (I swear this question threw me off so fast I begun to have a migraine...but then I quickly realized that it was a variation on the "color question" that everyone seems to be so fond of asking these days.)

When he asked if I have anything else to say, I said, "Not much...Everything that I just said and world peace." Seriously, I said that. It took him a couple of seconds then he started laughing out.

And then that was it. At no time I was asked about anything that is on my resume. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. And then I remembered the fine print on the application form. If anything on your application AND/OR resume is found false or fabricated, it is a cause for termination of employment if hired. Yikes! Good thing I remembered to double check the dates and previous employment history on my resume the day before I printed it.

And three hours later, we were done...Whew! It was physically and emotionally draining. The exec director then asked me to come back the next day for round two of the interview process...Huh? More of this?


DAY TWO

I must really like to get this job because I am back for more torture. After a short tour of the facility (They serve Starbucks coffee in their dining room! I soooo want to work here!), I met with five residents with varying degrees of attention, eyesight and hearing. We discussed health issues, their families and how they felt about being there. For the most part, it was interesting to hear them tell their stories until we got their health issues. Each one was a "walking pharmacy" and waiting to get hit by a train, so to speak. I had to tell them since I wasn't hired yet, there's really nothing I can do for them. They all thought I was the new care director already! I had to reassure them that if I were hired, I would definitely spend time in getting to know them individually and find out how best to help them.

After this "interview", I got to meet the other managers of the place: business operations, dietary, facility management, activities. Pretty nice bunch of folks. I could definitely work with them. Of course, each one had their own set of questions to ask, some more than the others. These people love to talk...or hear themselves talking.

Finally, Mr JS got me out of there and surprise, surprise! There is a day three. At this point, I was ready to say, "Look. You either hire me or not. This has been very exhausting and this place is not that close to San Francisco (It's about 25 miles one way)." But of course, I smiled, gritted my teeth, and said, "Sure!"

DAY THREE

I swear I must be into pain because here I am back for round three... Mr JS tells me that round three is a telephone interview. I was a little miffed since I was still dressed up for a formal interview. And guess who it is? It is the West Coast regional director for the company, Mr JS's boss. Great! So I took a deep breathe, drank some water then went to the office. It is a female and she's located in Las Vegas. After some chitchat, we then proceeded to the grilling period. What's surprising about this second formal interview was how "predictable" the questions were. She asked about my short term and long term goals, what my greatest accomplishment so far, strengths and weaknesses, if any, what do I bring to the job, etc. Typical stuff...beauty pageant questions, if you asked me. The ordeal lasted for an hour and then she took another hour to discuss the company philosophy, values, mission and vision. I had to go to the bathroom afterwards.

Then I met some of people that I "might" be supervising and working with. Which is what I wanted to do the first time I was in that building. They all seemed nice. I spoke to the medication technician and she seemed very knowledgeable about her job and what she's supposed to be doing. She drew a blank when I asked her what made her qualified to do what she's doing now. She expressed some frustrations about the system they currently have in place. I suggested something and she called the right people who were happy to oblige. One point for me. She told Mr JS', "If you don't hire him, you're not as smart as I think you are." Yup, they have that kind of rapport. Mr JS just smiles at her...

I got to see some of the apartments and actually liked some of them. They were cozy; the one-bedroom apartments were perfect for a couple with no kids. One lady had a dog, a terrier. The dog went ballistic the minute we approached her door. Ugh! I pretended I liked her dog...

And finally, back to the office area...I have no indication of whether I'm going to get hired or not. Mr JS made me wait in the business ops manager's office. We chitchatted for awhile. She was the one who called me as she also handles HR for the building. And then she lets something slip by: Out of the 47 resumes that they pulled, they have only considered five and are only interviewing three. I was the third person to be interviewed. AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO MAKE IT THIS FAR. I was thinking...hmmm...maybe I had put in a lower starting salary...

Mr JS comes back after about 15 minutes, smiles at me and says, "The President/CEO of the company will do your final interview tomorrow by phone. Don't worry. You don't have to come in here. He'll call you on your cell phone." All in one breath. Oh, goodie. I can be talking to the owner of the corporation in my underwear and he would never know it. And so I numbly nod my head, not hearing anything after the "CEO will do your final interview" part. As I was walking out, the receptionist calls me back to sign a confidentiality/non-disclosure statement. I finally get into my car and drive home...

Really, I am exhausted... why do I really want this job? I've thought about this a lot, even before the first interview. I mean, if I didn't, I would have not bothered returning their calls. And not got myself into this state of tiredness. There has to be something that's motivating me, right? So I found myself writing down and I believe that these would have to apply for all the new job searches I would do in the future:

1. I have to believe that I can make a difference. Whether it's for the employer or the customer it serves. As a nurse, I'd like to think that my skills are valuable enough to make a difference in someone else's life. I know...too idealistic.

2. I would like to think that the pay will not make that much of a difference. Like I've always said, it's not all about the money all the time. For me, a dollar or two isn't that much if I am unhappy with a job.

3. Any future employer will have to respect my request for leave of absences. And grant them with no questions asked. I know that I can, and have, poured myself into previous jobs that I've had. My accomplishments and my references can attest to that. This request is so I can, occasionally, claim myself back.

4. Micromanagement is out of the question. An employer will have to trust me that I will give him his money's worth. Some structure would be great but not watching my every move.

5. A supervisor who will trust me and my decisions. I don't want someone second-guessing me once I have made up a decision. A supervisor who is as passionate with his or her job. And will be behind me 100% of the time - whether I'm right or wrong (rarely).

FINALLY!!!

The company HR finally calls me and asks what am I looking for as far as compensation. I've done some comparative research for similar positions in the industry and these are what I asked for:

1. Parking spot in the facility.
2. BART ticket for the month (worth $200).
3. $6x.xx an hour pay - this is interesting as I thought most managers are 'salaried'. But as an 'exempt' position, I will not be paid overtime.
4. Leave of Absence - the most important, nonnegotiable perk. I really don't care about vacation accumulation. I like to take off when I want to. I said I would give them plenty of advance notice when I will be gone. For the rest of 2007, it's already set (Oct 5-7, Nov 8-12, Dec 20-Jan 10; then two weeks sometime on Easter 2008, August or September and December-January 2009). I think this one caught her by surprise and she commented how I can have it all planned out already. I let the comment slide...
5. I have my own medical/health insurance so whatever they're going to pay as their share, they can give it to me and include it with my pay. I'll take the rest of their health benefits.

With the exception of #4, she pretty much agreed to what I want. Which made me think I have low-balled my salary expectation. She will have to get back with me about the leave of absence part. She mentioned that it will probably be a local decision, meaning I will have to discuss this with the Exec Director. She also mentioned their "bonus system" for the managers. They have a "spend down" system for each department. Every month, a specific amount is alloted to each department and for every dollar saved/not spent, the manager will get $0.25 of it. I thought "cool"! The issue is I will have the most scrutinized budget as my share will include the hourly salaries of the caregivers (excluding benefit cost share). Personnel cost has the biggest share of the pie and is the least predictable of all the expenses. Overtimes will be looked at closely. Oh well... we'll see. The other interesting incentive is what they call "resident referral bonus". This time, if my referral actually moves in, I will get a share of the monthly fee (fees start at $4K+ a month) on a sliding scale basis (25% the first month, 20% on the second month, 15% on the third month, etc.) until the fifth month. So there will be some marketing involved. The place has a capacity of 70 residents and there is 64 of them in there now. I'm not a salesperson so I don't expect this to ever happen to me. BUT, if the place gets full, all the managers will get a share of the profits as determined by the mothership.

TODAY!!!

The offer sheet came via email. Like she said, the leave of absence will be a local decision. I will be going to the place tomorrow to discuss this with the Exec Director. If all goes well, will start employment paperwork, including physical exam (turn, cough and deep breath!) and a Livescan report (a criminal background history investigation). Livescans are pretty expensive I heard but it's one of those things that were put in place to deter those with criminal history. If it's negative, the employer gets the report in 24 hours via the Internet. Also a urine drug test.

Now, my dilemma is almost a reality...WTF do I wear to this job? I have been so used to just throwing on a scrub top with my jeans or chinos and call it my "uniform". This time, I might have to dress up a little bit as I will not only have to do patient care, I have to interact with family members, potential residents, vendors, suppliers, other company people, etc.

So, deep breathe and move on...

A 'Malou Fernandez' Moment

Someone very smart decided that it's a good time to close the San Francisco Bay Bridge this Labor Day weekend. For both east and west bound traffic. Sure, no one from the East Bay should be traipsing in San Francisco with their cars, and vice versa (like people in San Francisco will admit to traipsing in the East Bay. Unless to go to Ikea. But I digress). Of course, it's the weekend that I have to go to Berkeley for work.

I was torn between driving (which meant adding 20 more miles to the normal commute and 30 more minutes of driving plus the $5 Golden Gate Toll fee) and taking public transportation. Since the BART was only a 10-minute walk, I figured, what the hell. Save myself from the hassle of the Golden Gate bridge. I researched online the train schedule, where I have to transfer and how much it would cost for the round trip ticket. Then I had my nephew drop me off at the closest station to the house.

On Friday night, it went as planned almost without a hitch. I missed the stop where I had to transfer trains. No problem. Just get off the next stop and catch the next one. Going home wasn't so bad, either. Saturday night was perfect: got off at the right station, transferred to another train, walked the 10-minute walk and I was at work with about 15 minutes to spare. Cool. Sunday morning came and it's time to go home. Waited for the right train, got off at the right transfer station and San Francisco bound train was waiting. As soon as we hit the Transbay Tube (the tube running right through San Francisco bay which connects the East Bay to San Francisco- yes Virignia, it is under water. You can see it in the tube. That's why it's dark so you don't freak out. But your ears pop so you know there's been a change in air pressure. Much like during take off and landing of planes.), we stopped... there has been an accident in one of the stops in San Francisco. A train in smoke according to the train operator. Now, I don't know about you but stopping in the middle of the tube is not the most pleasant feeling. Your ears are plugged, you can feel the tube swaying a little (it is suspended, after all), and it's pitch black outside. But we moved on and the announcement was made: the train that I was on will stop at the second San Francisco station if you were coming from the East Bay (that would be the Montgomery Street Station for all of you Bay Area fans out there) and will turn around to go back to its destination (That's the problem with the BART. It is a closed, one-way system so that when there's an issue in one of the stops along the route, the trains get backed up and passengers do not have a choice but to either wait or find alternative ways to get to wherever they're going). I felt sorry for those whose destination was San Francisco International Airport. As for me, no problem...just go up to street level and I'm in downtown San Francisco. And what a lovely place it is. The weather was beautiful. People walking all over the place. Starbucks is open...

But how the hell do I go home now? I had to call a friend to find out how much it costs to ride the bus! Seriously, I had no idea. It has been a while since I rode on a Muni. The last time I did, it was only for a buck. Now, it's a buck and a half. Oh well. The other choice was to call my nephew again to pick me up from downtown. And so I braved the bus.

Here comes my 'Malou Fernandez moment'. The minute I got on the bus, I was assaulted by a stench that made me gag and my eyes water. On the bus is this guy who needed a shower four days ago. I mean, he reeked! But I had to go home so I held my breathe, paid my dollar fifty and proceeded to the back of the bus, as far as I could get away from the guy. But physics being the way that it is, as soon as as the bus started moving forward, the air from the front moved to the back. The stench went all the way back there that it was now almost impossible to breath! And now I noticed that the other passengers started sniffing the air and decided that it stunk back there! About all the windows in the back were opened to allow for fresh air to circulate but it didn't help much. I couldn't stand it so I got off at the next stop and decided to wait for the next bus. I would have welcomed the smell of AXE and Charlie cologne rather than that stench! The next bus was also interesting because of its "scent". Varying smells of obviously cheap colognes mixed with sweat from the guys riding the bus was the norm. So what is "cheap cologne"? I am talking of the knock-offs, 'smells like' versions. I am not a parfumer but I do know what the real thing smells like. Even after you mix it with sweat. And so I try take in fresh air in gulps, opened my window and bear it. My Jo Malone cologne (Black Vetyver as the first layer, followed by Nutmeg and Ginger then with Grapefruit to 'seal and cystallize') wasn't competition for the guys as far as they're concerned.

Mission Street is one of San Francisco's most vibrant streets and it runs from one end of the city to Top of the Hill in Daly City. This is where you would find the Latino neighborhood. Almost anything Latino can found in this part of San Francisco. From hole-in-wall taquerias to salsa clubs to bakeries and everything else in between. This is also the route of the bus. It stopped at every fucking bus stop... And there maybe about 35 of them between downtown and where I had to get off! So what's the consolation? Good looking Latino guys...and they are HOT! Since the weather was warm, they're even wearing less than their usual attire. They look at you with their "fuck you" eyes, smile or nod at you a little (like they know you're cruising them!), grab/rub their crotch a little (their pants are down to their crotch!) and you are soon lost in your own Latino porn fantasy...

So lesson learned: I don't fucking care how long it takes and how much it costs (toll fees and gas), but I will drive around any bridge closure in the future. I am done with public transportation as far as going to work is concerned. If it takes me an hour to get there, so be it. The party doesn't start without me, I always say. If I have to drive with the other crazy Asians out there, so be it. That's what insurance is for. At least, I will be comfortable, I can breathe, and I will not have to call someone and ask how much it costs to ride the bus. Don't get me wrong. I will still take the BART but only to downtown and back. That still beats paying for parking downtown anytime. And if there's an incident like this morning's, I will take a cab.

For those of you who have no idea who Malou Fernandez is, just Google it. She said something interesting about OFWs and AXE and Charlie colognes...

Thank You For Loving Me

Nothing like a good 'ol power ballad to say what I want to say...and as for YOU, when you get to read this, there are no words to express my gratitude. I know that we're both in limbo right now but let's enjoy the moments together and let the winds take us wherever. After all, it IS the journey and not the destination...

...Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me...

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies


Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

For loving me...

Leave Right Now

My favorite song of the moment. This is by Will Young...

I'm here just like I said
Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart is just the same
Why make it strong to break it once again
And I'd love to say I do
Give everything to you
But I can never now be true
So I say

I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me out
Before I fall any deeper
Think I better leave right now

I'm here so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful
Perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows
Now I tremble in your arms
But what could beat the harm
To feel my spirit calm
So I say

I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me out
Before I fall any deeper
Think I better leave right now


I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say you're right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten twice as shy
If I'm proud perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bare to lose you again

I think I better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me out
Before I fall any deeper
Think I better leave right now...

I Didn't Mean To Make You Mine

And so for the last time... Remember this? I always will because of you...

Don't give me a second chance/It'll be the same
You will be the consequence/And I will have the pain
You are something else/I have to survive
That is why I say/With tears in my eyes

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn't mean to love you, baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn't mean to love you, baby
If I could have a single wish
I'd turn back time
I didn't mean to make you
I didn't mean to make you
Mine

Don't look at me like I'm mad/I thought you would know
I was getting way too sad/It was gonna show
There was no way I could hide/I could hide the truth
So I took the risk/And fell, fell for you

I wish I never opened up my heart
I didn't mean to love you, baby
I wish I never let it get this far
I didn't mean to love you, baby
If I could have a single wish
I'd turn back time
I didn't mean to make you
I didn't mean to make you
Mine

I didn't mean to make you hold me
I didn't mean to get so lonely
I didn't mean to say all this to you
I didn't mean to make you need me
I didn't mean to love you like I do
Look at what we've put us through...

Goodbye

And with that word, it all ended... I allowed myself the alloted 16 seconds of pain, stopped at Starbucks and drove home.

I can't do this anymore. I have tried everything (short of handholding and spoonfeeding) but it seems like it's never enough. I'm not one to give up easily but this time, I know that it's over for me. This has taken a big toll out of my sanity and it shouldn't be. I have given you every opportunity but they went nowhere. I wonder how many second chances you will get in your lifetime...

So goodbye. Thank you for the memories. I will always be grateful for taking me to places (literally and figuratively) where I've never been. The journey has not been easy but no one said it would be. And if we meet again, I hope that we have become better persons because of this.

I love you.

More Than Words

Now more than ever... I'd rather you show me than tell me...

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know...

Sibling Rivalry

I am the eldest of four boys in my family. When I was growing up, I felt I was the "favorite" son. And I never understood why my younger brothers were "jealous" of me. I excelled in school and my brothers were expected to do the same since we all went to the same school. But my second and third brothers compensated by doing great in sports instead of academics. But I believe it was my youngest brother who beat us all: he was good in academics but was excellent with the arts program. He was the piano prodigy of the entire school.

It has only been lately that my brothers and I started talking about our high school experience. This was brought on by some nieces and nephews who were graduating from high school (ok, that just made me feel real old!). I never knew that I was the resented sibling...the one they'd rather see hurt than their friends. Ouch! And I guess that comes from being compared to me all the time. I set up the bar too high and everybody else expected my brothers to meet or exceed it. At that time, I was nonchalant about it. I figured if I can do it, so can everybody else. It is only much later that I begun to understand that everybody is not like me. Duh.

As much as my brothers envied me then, I am more in awe of them now. They have families of their own with children in tow, the white-fenced house in the 'burbs, great jobs, and of course, someone to share all of that with. And so I look at myself now and wonder if I am not capable of all of that. Not the wife stuff of course, but what about the rest? I have a great job. I can afford to get that white-fenced house (not in the 'burbs though-ugh!). I think I can raise kids (hmmm...). But in the most important (at least the way I see it) part, having that someone to come home to, is where I have questions.

I told my brothers my dilemma (if you can even call it that) and they laughed in my face. On the other hand, they see me and still think I am the "smartest" one in the family. I can do whatever I want, free to go whenever I want, and be with whomever I want to be. Them, on the other hand, have in-laws, mortgage payments, school tuition fees and have to feed voracious children and entertaining them to no end. Plus the "ball-and-chain" they're forever attached to. Hahaha!

I don't know which is worse... One of these days, I am going to look for what they have now. And see if it's what its cracked up to be.

Come to Mama!

The long wait is finally over... and as promised, the iPhone has so far, exceeded my expectations. I am a technophobe and this phone took me about 10 minutes to set up and get it running. The Apple website provided a lot of video tutorials even before the release of the phone so it wasn't as traumatic as I thought it would be. And for the first time ever, I didn't have to know POP3, SMTP, IMAP and all that tech crap to set up my email. Yey!!!

There are three things that are readily noticeable with the iPhone:

1. There is no place for a SIM card.
2. The battery is basically inaccessible without the right tool.
3. The screen is huge!

Once you buy it, you can only activate it with ATT. As the sole service provider, ATT must have made at least a cool $40 mil for the bundled iPhone services alone (at $20 minimum times 2 million units). Then there's a $36 activation for non-ATT subscribers. Plus the voice plan. It's a pretty staggering amount when all is said and done! Then you must use iTunes to set up your account with Apple for software upgrades and registration for warranty purposes.

Apple has set the price at $499 for the 4GB, $599 for the 8GB. It has a black screen and aluminum body, slightly thinner than the 30GB iPod. When it's off, it's like nothing. When it's on is when the fun begins. The display is stunning. The device is intuitive and uses touch technology. Everything is done with a tap of a finger or by flicking a finger while lightly touching the screen to scroll up or down. Downloads are fast... the entire front page of the New York Times in less than a minute. Even Google map is fun to use. If you're used to Mac's OS-X, then the iPhone is not a big deal. Even syncing and downloading songs from your music library is painless. If you have an iPod and you use iTunes, then this is a piece of cake. The one thing that you do have to watch out for is downloading movies and tv shows. Those occupy a lot of valuable space and without an expandable memory capability, you have to be choosy on what to download.

My only complaint (if you can call it that) is I have to re-learn how to input SMS as the keyboard is the traditional "QWERTY" style. Also, depending on how fat the finger you're using, you could be tapping on the wrong letter. It will take me time but hey, that's okay, too. It has a 2MP camera which takes decent pictures. There are no adjustments (i.e. shooting in black and white or night mode) and no video shooting capabilities. I guess that would be iPhone2... The phone itself has a beautiful reception and sound quality is really good. The iPod function is way cool specially with cover flow. And where else can you get a phone where YouTube has its own icon?

That skateboarding dog makes me smile every time...

So is it worth it? Definitely. The coolness factor alone is priceless. Well, $600 to be exact. This is a classic example of a successful convergence of three multimedia devices. Once again, this raises the bar for everybody else out there. It will be interesting what the competition will come out with although LG tried with its Prada phone.

Where Is It Written?/No Matter What Happens

On the way to the 2007 San Francisco Pride celebration, these songs were playing on my iPod. How appropriate...



There's not a morning I begin
Without a thousand questions running through my mind
That I don't try to find the reason
And the logic in the world that God designed
The reason why, a bird was given wings
If not to fly, and praise the sky
With every song it sings
What's right or wrong,
Where I belong within the scheme of things

And why have eyes that see and arms that reach
Unless you're meant to know there's something more.
If not to hunger for the meaning of it all
Then tell me, what a soul is for?
Why have the wings unless you're meant to fly
And tell me please why have a mind
If not to question why?

And tell me where,
Where is it written what it is I'm meant to be
That I can't dare to have the chance to
pick the fruit of every tree
Or have my share of every sweet imagined possibility.
Just tell me where, where is it written, tell me where.

If I were only meant to tend the nest
Then why does my imagination sail across the mountains and the seas
Beyond the make-believe of any fairy tale
Why have the thirst if not to drink the wine?
And what a waste to have a taste of things that can't be mine

And tell me where,
Where is it written what it is I'm meant to be
That I can't dare to see the meanings in the mornings that I see
Or have my share of every sweet imagined possibility
Just tell me where, where is it written, tell me where
Or if it's written anywhere...

I've wanted the shadows,
I don't anymore
No matter what happens,
I won't anymore
I've run from the sunlight-
Afraid it saw too much.
The moon had the one light
I bathed in, I walked in.

For too many mornings
The curtains were drawn
It's time they were opened
To welcome the dawn
A voice deep inside
Is getting stronger,
I can't keep it quiet any longer.
No matter what happens,
It can't be the same anymore...
I promise, it won't be the same anymore...

It's A Bird! It's A Plane! It's...

JASMINE TRIAS!!!

At the Asian Pacific Islander stage at this year's SF Pride Celebration, Jasmine was the featured "celebrity" guest. The poor thing with her "trademark signature" - her words - flower on her right ear sang some songs. She was freezing, the audio wasn't that good and wind kept blowing her dress. But really now... she really wasn't good, she kept saying "thank you for inviting me to this EVENT" like she couldn't remember the EVENT or can't say what the EVENT was, and she does not know how to play the crowd. She probably thought she was in front of ASAP fans or in some cheap mall tour. It was her chance to represent and she did sing a Tagalog song. Still it was a little disappointing. And may I say, what a great nose job and skin resurfacing (and a boob job?) she has had! Damn! The girl thinks she's almost white and deserves a more Eurasian nose!

The World's Biggest Party!

The cast of Teatro Zanzini
Magic Balloon man
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence
Dykes on Bikes

The HOTTEST MAN on earth...San Francisco's very "gay" (wish!), very cute (no doubt!), nice (proven!) mayor, Gavin Newsom



It's the time of the year, once again, to let our hair down and be our gay selves. The rainbow banners are up on Market Street in San Francisco, the big rainbow flag at the end of Market and Castro Streets is billowing again, the lesbians are getting friskier, and gays from all over are beginning to throng into the city. Welcome to the biggest party on earth!!!


Every year, on the last Sunday of June, San Francisco hosts the biggest and best Pride clebration ever. Over 1 million people from all over the world flock to the city to watch this spectacle. This year is no exception and the weather was stunningly beautiful. No Belami boys though...=(

Someone sent me this by text. I"ve read it somewhere before but it bears sharing again and and again...

..."Live your life in a manner that best suits you. Whether you're in or out of the closet is not really that important anymore. What is important is you have accepted who you really are and try to live a decent and productive life in which you don't intentionally step on other people's feet in order to reach your goals and personal happiness. Because in the end, a person will not be remembered for being gay or straight but by the way he lived his life and the positive influence he had on people..."

HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE!

Happiness Is...

... choosing AND getting your own birthday present(s)

... walking into Gucci in Beverly Hills and finding out that the white flipflops I want is on sale and my size is available and the perfect white Guccissima leather wallet is back on stock and I can get one now

... paying cash for my watch of a lifetime: a white gold, automatic, Cartier Santos 100

... spraying Jo Malone's Grapefruit and Pomegranate Noir perfumes together to come up with a more unforgettable scent

... receiving the Gucci Runway bag as a gift

... hanging out with a friend at Starbucks in downtown Los Angeles and talking crap about everybody else

... seeing Edouard Manet's Bar at the Folies-Berger in person at the Getty Museum

... eating dinner at the hole-in-the-wall Sanam Luang Cafe in Hollywood with a great friend and his partner

... smelling the salt-water breeze and watching the sunset in Santa Monica Pier

These are a few of my favorite things. Can't wait for next year!