A 'Malou Fernandez' Moment

Someone very smart decided that it's a good time to close the San Francisco Bay Bridge this Labor Day weekend. For both east and west bound traffic. Sure, no one from the East Bay should be traipsing in San Francisco with their cars, and vice versa (like people in San Francisco will admit to traipsing in the East Bay. Unless to go to Ikea. But I digress). Of course, it's the weekend that I have to go to Berkeley for work.

I was torn between driving (which meant adding 20 more miles to the normal commute and 30 more minutes of driving plus the $5 Golden Gate Toll fee) and taking public transportation. Since the BART was only a 10-minute walk, I figured, what the hell. Save myself from the hassle of the Golden Gate bridge. I researched online the train schedule, where I have to transfer and how much it would cost for the round trip ticket. Then I had my nephew drop me off at the closest station to the house.

On Friday night, it went as planned almost without a hitch. I missed the stop where I had to transfer trains. No problem. Just get off the next stop and catch the next one. Going home wasn't so bad, either. Saturday night was perfect: got off at the right station, transferred to another train, walked the 10-minute walk and I was at work with about 15 minutes to spare. Cool. Sunday morning came and it's time to go home. Waited for the right train, got off at the right transfer station and San Francisco bound train was waiting. As soon as we hit the Transbay Tube (the tube running right through San Francisco bay which connects the East Bay to San Francisco- yes Virignia, it is under water. You can see it in the tube. That's why it's dark so you don't freak out. But your ears pop so you know there's been a change in air pressure. Much like during take off and landing of planes.), we stopped... there has been an accident in one of the stops in San Francisco. A train in smoke according to the train operator. Now, I don't know about you but stopping in the middle of the tube is not the most pleasant feeling. Your ears are plugged, you can feel the tube swaying a little (it is suspended, after all), and it's pitch black outside. But we moved on and the announcement was made: the train that I was on will stop at the second San Francisco station if you were coming from the East Bay (that would be the Montgomery Street Station for all of you Bay Area fans out there) and will turn around to go back to its destination (That's the problem with the BART. It is a closed, one-way system so that when there's an issue in one of the stops along the route, the trains get backed up and passengers do not have a choice but to either wait or find alternative ways to get to wherever they're going). I felt sorry for those whose destination was San Francisco International Airport. As for me, no problem...just go up to street level and I'm in downtown San Francisco. And what a lovely place it is. The weather was beautiful. People walking all over the place. Starbucks is open...

But how the hell do I go home now? I had to call a friend to find out how much it costs to ride the bus! Seriously, I had no idea. It has been a while since I rode on a Muni. The last time I did, it was only for a buck. Now, it's a buck and a half. Oh well. The other choice was to call my nephew again to pick me up from downtown. And so I braved the bus.

Here comes my 'Malou Fernandez moment'. The minute I got on the bus, I was assaulted by a stench that made me gag and my eyes water. On the bus is this guy who needed a shower four days ago. I mean, he reeked! But I had to go home so I held my breathe, paid my dollar fifty and proceeded to the back of the bus, as far as I could get away from the guy. But physics being the way that it is, as soon as as the bus started moving forward, the air from the front moved to the back. The stench went all the way back there that it was now almost impossible to breath! And now I noticed that the other passengers started sniffing the air and decided that it stunk back there! About all the windows in the back were opened to allow for fresh air to circulate but it didn't help much. I couldn't stand it so I got off at the next stop and decided to wait for the next bus. I would have welcomed the smell of AXE and Charlie cologne rather than that stench! The next bus was also interesting because of its "scent". Varying smells of obviously cheap colognes mixed with sweat from the guys riding the bus was the norm. So what is "cheap cologne"? I am talking of the knock-offs, 'smells like' versions. I am not a parfumer but I do know what the real thing smells like. Even after you mix it with sweat. And so I try take in fresh air in gulps, opened my window and bear it. My Jo Malone cologne (Black Vetyver as the first layer, followed by Nutmeg and Ginger then with Grapefruit to 'seal and cystallize') wasn't competition for the guys as far as they're concerned.

Mission Street is one of San Francisco's most vibrant streets and it runs from one end of the city to Top of the Hill in Daly City. This is where you would find the Latino neighborhood. Almost anything Latino can found in this part of San Francisco. From hole-in-wall taquerias to salsa clubs to bakeries and everything else in between. This is also the route of the bus. It stopped at every fucking bus stop... And there maybe about 35 of them between downtown and where I had to get off! So what's the consolation? Good looking Latino guys...and they are HOT! Since the weather was warm, they're even wearing less than their usual attire. They look at you with their "fuck you" eyes, smile or nod at you a little (like they know you're cruising them!), grab/rub their crotch a little (their pants are down to their crotch!) and you are soon lost in your own Latino porn fantasy...

So lesson learned: I don't fucking care how long it takes and how much it costs (toll fees and gas), but I will drive around any bridge closure in the future. I am done with public transportation as far as going to work is concerned. If it takes me an hour to get there, so be it. The party doesn't start without me, I always say. If I have to drive with the other crazy Asians out there, so be it. That's what insurance is for. At least, I will be comfortable, I can breathe, and I will not have to call someone and ask how much it costs to ride the bus. Don't get me wrong. I will still take the BART but only to downtown and back. That still beats paying for parking downtown anytime. And if there's an incident like this morning's, I will take a cab.

For those of you who have no idea who Malou Fernandez is, just Google it. She said something interesting about OFWs and AXE and Charlie colognes...