Sibling Rivalry

I am the eldest of four boys in my family. When I was growing up, I felt I was the "favorite" son. And I never understood why my younger brothers were "jealous" of me. I excelled in school and my brothers were expected to do the same since we all went to the same school. But my second and third brothers compensated by doing great in sports instead of academics. But I believe it was my youngest brother who beat us all: he was good in academics but was excellent with the arts program. He was the piano prodigy of the entire school.

It has only been lately that my brothers and I started talking about our high school experience. This was brought on by some nieces and nephews who were graduating from high school (ok, that just made me feel real old!). I never knew that I was the resented sibling...the one they'd rather see hurt than their friends. Ouch! And I guess that comes from being compared to me all the time. I set up the bar too high and everybody else expected my brothers to meet or exceed it. At that time, I was nonchalant about it. I figured if I can do it, so can everybody else. It is only much later that I begun to understand that everybody is not like me. Duh.

As much as my brothers envied me then, I am more in awe of them now. They have families of their own with children in tow, the white-fenced house in the 'burbs, great jobs, and of course, someone to share all of that with. And so I look at myself now and wonder if I am not capable of all of that. Not the wife stuff of course, but what about the rest? I have a great job. I can afford to get that white-fenced house (not in the 'burbs though-ugh!). I think I can raise kids (hmmm...). But in the most important (at least the way I see it) part, having that someone to come home to, is where I have questions.

I told my brothers my dilemma (if you can even call it that) and they laughed in my face. On the other hand, they see me and still think I am the "smartest" one in the family. I can do whatever I want, free to go whenever I want, and be with whomever I want to be. Them, on the other hand, have in-laws, mortgage payments, school tuition fees and have to feed voracious children and entertaining them to no end. Plus the "ball-and-chain" they're forever attached to. Hahaha!

I don't know which is worse... One of these days, I am going to look for what they have now. And see if it's what its cracked up to be.